Church Service
June 24, 2008
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service,’and why is it necessary to be quiet in church?’
One bright little girl replied…
‘Because people are sleeping.’
How to stop office gossip…
June 13, 2008
Works everytime !!!!!
1919 Poster
June 12, 2008
If you were around in 1919 (just before prohibition started) and came upon the following poster…….what would you think?
I mean seriously … Would you quit drinking?
Choice of an … eternity…
June 12, 2008
While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit
by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems
there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts,
you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”
“No problem, just let me in,” says the man.
“Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do
is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can
choose where to spend eternity.”
“Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the
senator.
“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down,
down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle
of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in
front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked
with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him,
Shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while
getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar
and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has
a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good
time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator
rises…
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where
St. Peter is waiting for him.
“Now it’s time to visit heaven.”
So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls
moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have
a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and
St. Peter returns.
“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now
choose your eternity.”
The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would
Never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I
think I would be better off in hell.”
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down,
down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a
barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and
putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. “I
don’t understand,” stammers the senator. “Yesterday I was here and
there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar,
drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just
a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What
happened?”
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, “Yesterday we were
campaigning. Today you voted.”
Men’s Room Decor
June 9, 2008
Edge Designs is an all-women run company that designs interior office space. They had a recent opportunity to do an office project in NYC.
The client allowed the women of this company a free hand in all design aspects. The client was a company that was also run by all women execs………….
The result…
…well
We all know that men never talk, never look at each other….
And never laugh much in the restroom….
The men’s room is a serious and quiet place…
But now…with the addition of this one mural on the wall…
…lets just say the men’s restroom is a place of laughter!
And they say women don’t have a sense of humor.
Prison vs Work
June 5, 2008
Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer. |
|
|
@ PRISON |
@ WORK |
|
You spend most of your time in a 10X10 cell |
You spend most of your timein an 6X6 cubicle |
|
@ PRISON |
@ WORK |
|
You get three meals a day, fully paid for |
You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it |
|
@ PRISON |
@ WORK |
|
For good behavior, you get time off |
For good behavior, you get more work |
|
@ PRISON |
@ WORK |
|
The guard unlocks and locks all the doors for you |
You must carry a security card and open all the doors yourself |
|
@ PRISON |
@ WORK |
|
You can watch TV and play games |
You could get fired for watching TV and playing games |
|
@ PRISON |
WORK |
|
You get your own toilet |
You have to share the toilet with people who pee on the seat |
|
@ PRISON |
@ WORK |
|
They allow your family and friends to visit |
You aren’t even supposed to speak to your family |
|
@ PRISON |
@ WORK |
|
All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required |
You must pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners |
|
@ PRISON |
@ WORK |
|
You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out |
You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars |
|
@ PRISON |
@ WORK |
|
You must deal with sadistic wardens |
You must deal with ‘managers’ |
Rudy Giuliani’s Push To Save America….
October 25, 2007
Unique Wedding Announcement
October 24, 2007
Outsourcing
October 23, 2007
The outsourcing business is getting out of hand.
I was feeling a bit depressed the other day, so I called the Help Hotline.
I was put through to a ‘call center’ in Pakistan.
I explained that I was feeling suicidal.
They were very excited at this news and wanted to know if I could drive a truck or fly an airplane…
Septic truck
October 21, 2007
